Emotions

I am not an overly emotional person. I'm usually on a pretty even keel. Nancy tells me I am not as in touch with my emotions as I should be. Perhaps she is right. I don't really know.

Today, though, was a different story. At the 11:00 worship service, several members of the Graves family were in attendance. I was able to hold myself together well when Debbie passed away on Tuesday, through the meetings, visitation, funeral, and graveside service, but not in worship today. Jana, our pianist, reminded us that God is always watching over us and then played and sang "His Eye is on the Sparrow." After our opening hymn, we went into our prayer time where we share the joys and concerns on our hearts with one another. Steve thanked everyone for the care and support his family has received. We had a few other concerns that were shared, and then we sang our Call to Prayer together: "On Eagles' Wings."

My eyes began to well up during the song, and so I stopped singing for a moment. I was able to take a few deep breaths and compose myself long enough to begin the pastoral prayer. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I know I admitted that sometimes words are not enough to express what we are feeling. I thanked God for God's faithfulness to the Graves family and lifted up the other concerns that were shared. All the while, I was fighting back tears and trying to hold myself together. Finally, I concluded the prayer and started us off on the Lord's Prayer, but about the time we got to, "Give us this day, our daily bread," I broke down and started to cry.

And an amazing thing happened. The congregation continued praying without my speaking and leading, and they lifted me up by doing so. They, as a collective body, carried on when I couldn't anymore. What a powerful moment for me, and I pray for them as well. I felt extremely vulnerable, but that vulnerability was met with love, kindness, and compassion. I was reminded today of part of what it means to be the church - and what a blessing it was!